A Few Luggages

“I think I left everything. We only packed a few luggages and moved here, and we had no idea about the US at all. Once we got here, we just looked around for a place to live and get a car. And by that time, I really didn't think [I was going to] leave Hong Kong for a long time. Or [that I was going to] leave my parents for a long time, because I [could] still fly between these two places.”

A first generation immigrant from Hong Kong, whom we’ll call Lily, followed her husband to the US seeking a change from her hectic and busy life in Hong Kong. She packed her bags, not knowing what the US might bring. “When we moved here, we didn't know anything. But I preferred it that way, because we didn't have to have any idea [of the US beforehand]. Instead, we could experience everything by ourselves. I think that is more important.” Lily recalled. “I experienced it instead of [knowing the people or culture beforehand] that might affect my opinions about the US.”

As months turned into years, Lily’s goal of becoming a mother succeeded as she now bore three children. The opportunities that came from growing her family in the US was one that cannot be replicated – the high costs of living in Hong Kong would often require both parents to work full time jobs to stay afloat, leaving minimal time for Lily and her husband to spend quality time with their children. In the US, however, they strive to strike a balance between cultures.

From the community oriented background Lily was raised in, to the emphasis of personal freedom and individuality in the States, finding harmony between the two contrasting environments proved to be challenging. “It's not easy, because what [my kids] learn at school is, you can do whatever you like. [It’s] very individual. But for us, [we focus on thinking] about other people. So that's what I always tell them: it's important that you know what you want [and] you know what you like, but at the same time, it's more important to be considerate,” Lily explains, highlighting the importance of one’s character. “We are not living by ourselves [and] we have to get along with other people [whether] you're at school or at work. That's our priority…I want you to be a good person, much more than I want you to become a successful person.”

Lily’s wishes for her children, however, go beyond their character. Hoping for them to understand crucial parts of Chinese culture, she shared various differences between American and Chinese culture during everyday tasks with her children – the main one being the way people greet each other. While her children are often used to the typical small talk one might encounter when meeting an old friend, Lily notes how the Chinese version of small talk is asking about whether the other party has eaten. Food, being a main part of many Chinese families’ love language, has integrated itself into their daily greetings, becoming a staple in their language when addressing each other. 

Despite Lily’s attempts at sharing her culture at home, the distinct culture she preserved has melted into an indistinguishable mix of Asian cultures in the eyes of those around her. She notes, “For [Americans], we are like the same people. They can’t tell where we’re from – Korea, Japan, China – for them, we are the same. We are all Asian. They're still very nice, but they [tend to] group us all together. But…we don’t really feel comfortable with the way that they behave. So we want to tell people we are different. We are from different places.”

These assumptions not only appear in her daily interactions with her neighbors, but they are also found within her workplace at a school. Since most of the students studying there are from China, many people, especially Lily’s coworkers, immediately associate Hong Kong with China. “But this wasn’t really the case,” Lily pointed out. “One teacher, however, was very considerate. She observed something. She observed a few Hong Kong students' faces [and realised that] they don't really like people [saying] they are from China. So, she asked me about it, and I clarified everything with her. I told her that for us, Hong Kong is separate…but other teachers don't [care as much]. They [equate Hong Kong to China]. I don't want to argue, because I know where I come from, so I don't have to prove myself. I don't need to explain to you because I know where I come from. That's more important.”

Lily’s morals stem beyond the Chinese culture she grew up with. Rather, her emphasis of having a good character is largely derived from Christianity, the religion she continues to follow after immigrating to the US. “I feel peaceful to be a Christian here. With my religion, I have a guideline, the Bible, for us to follow, even though [there’s a lot of change] at school and with social media’s [influence]. I can tell my kids we can base it on our Bible [when judging whether an action is right or wrong]...it's definitely easier for me…we can just follow what God says and look at our Bible. Then we know whether that's right or wrong…being a good person and knowing how to respect people is more important than winning the argument,” she explains. 

Throughout her children's upbringing, Lily also emphasises her respect for their autonomy later in life. This decision also falls in line with the Bible, where listening and valuing the thoughts of one’s children are also a key theme. Although Lily herself has immigrated to the US, she urges her children to explore various parts of the world to live in. She adds, “I told my kids, you don't have to live here. You don't have to stay in the US for the rest of your life. Just like your parents, you can move to any part of the world…[the US] is only the place where you grew up and where you get your education. But after that it's your choice…you have your life, you have your future, just go ahead. I don’t want to limit them.”

Throughout Lily’s long journey to (and within) the US, her faith was the one aspect that remained constant, grounding her sense of self and guiding her forwards as both an immigrant and a mother.